the story has been told..
the truth has been told..
now I'm going to state everything of my thoughts and feelings about you.
firstly, allow me to express my dissatisfactions about you.
I hope you don't mind reading it. (you don't have choice actually XD)
they are already history anyway. =/
so.. what I dislike about you..
is your ignorance. >:(
as a friend, you never bothered with my feelings, my doings and my existence. =.=
during first semester of our uni,
every time I wanted to meet you, you always failed to turn up
whether you forgot or you were busy. =.=
when we converse through text messages,
most of the time it ended up with you not replying me.
but it's forgivable since it's expensive. =/
next, msn conversation.
initially it was great to converse with you.
and as time passes..
somehow you are taking really long to reply me.
the worst I had felt was during the first semester.
I waited quite long for your reply,
and when you finally replied, you replied very shortly.
and worst was you didn't reply at all, then said goodbye and went offline. =(
I really disliked it.
oh well, I was fine because I understood that you were busy with your work. =/
I considered for a very long time before adding you back on msn.
not because of recovery period (well partly actually)
but I was afraid of the same treatment you will give me. ==
most importantly, your enthusiasm.
until now I'm still wondering
why you are always not interested to talk to me
especially during first sem.
whenever I approached you,
I hoped to talk to you a lot.
but you always gave short replies
and not bothering to continue the conversation. =.=
it was quite disturbing.
when you were with me, you were always cool and cold. O.o
I'm sure you didn't treat your course mates like this.
oh well.. I know I can't force you to talk to me
considering our friendship. =(
so yes.. enough of dissatisfaction.
honestly, I wouldn't care about the problems above
if you care for me just once.
would it be so hard for you to do so? =(
pretending works you know. (but not so obvious please >.<)
now you may be think I'm very demanding, possessive and unreasonable.
I'm really sorry
but seriously I always want us to have a good conversation once in a while. ><
as time passes.. I began to think rationally.
maybe you were really stressed with your course.
I had a hectic time during my second sem
as a consequence I barely had the time to converse with my friends. (except for my course mates)
so, I began to understand your situation. =/
moreover, I realized I had been expecting too much from you too. >.<
I can't state much during recovery period.
we never talked during that period.
but now when I think about it,
I feel regretful.
that period actually killed our good friendship.
when we got back into talking terms,
I felt we are completely strangers to each other.
the way we talked (even until now) was already different from before. =(
I could only blame myself for this. =(
now.. is my opinion on you after the recovery period.
well.. it was great to get back into talking terms with you.
I hoped that our friendship will be back like before.
I made my attempt to converse with you
like sending you a pm.
but sadly, as usual you took a long time to reply
and your reply was short. =.=
then I approached you and talked to you.
you were still too busy to talk to me. =/
well, I often saw you mixing around with guys
in cafeteria or in library.
I know it's alright to do so.
I would do the same too if I'm in a group of ladies.
however, I noticed you were enthusiastic when you were with them
regardless of close friends or not.
I wasn't jealous but envious to those guys.
you weren't like this when you were with me.
I'm not an acquaintance to you,
so.. why is there a difference in treatment? O.o
at that time, I realized that
you never really changed
in terms of your treatment towards me. >:(
yes I understood the reasons
but I was just disappointed.
I couldn't help it.
anyway we are still friends.
I told myself to continue approaching you like usual. =)
no point getting angry at you.
the disappointment remained until that day came.
that day, you shocked me when you asked whether I was alright since I failed to do well for my ENG1030 O.O
and then you went on to comfort me. O__O
hmm
at that time I thought.. you weren't that bad after all.
you did concern me when I was down. =)
somehow, that day changed my view towards you.
it was fated I guess.
I purposely went to level 3 just to avoid rain. XD
I didn't expect to see you there. O.o
later before finals, you agreed to meet me too
and you didn't mind hugging me. X)
I expressed my disappointment over my friendship.
then, you said you are always ready to meet up with me.
I was happy to hear that
because I felt you are giving me opportunity to fix our friendship
even though I didn't know whether you really meant your words. =p
thank you~ ^^
hmmm
maybe I shouldn't keep thinking of all the poor treatments you had given me.
you did treated me nicely at times. =)
so.. it's time to forget about them and look forward to fixing our friendship. =D
finally, the last few paragraphs are relating to the title. XD
now I'm going to express my current feelings about you.
well, I'm not trying to be disgusting here
but honestly I find you quite attractive.
you have nice complexion, big eyes and cute look in overall. ;P
you are not skinny.
you are cute when you are enthusiastic.
wow
no wonder I'm attracted to you. =p
next, your kindness.
I have forgotten that during AUSMAT times,
I always requested you to accompany me before Applics class.
you hardly failed me. =)
in addition, you always listened to my complains and problems
even though you were occupied with something else.
that's very nice of you. thank you~ ^^
as for last year.. at least there were times you agreed to meet me.
there was once you messaged me to apologize for not talking to me.
most importantly, your comfort for my ENG1030 failure.
it wasn't so bad after all despite some poor treatment.
no one is perfect. =)
hmmm
actually, I envy your life a lot. (as stated before)
I always feel.. you have a very good life.
you have a lot friends (like Mei Xin's gang, branded gang, joy clan etc =.=)
and you do well academically
while I'm usually alone and I often screw up my studies. =.=
so, whenever I'm alone and I see you with your friends,
your outing pics
or pics of you attending an event (Monash Annual Ball) etc.
I often dislike it
because I will feel pitiful.
no worries, I also have the same feeling when I see other people having great outings or achieving something great.
it's just mysterious that I'm particularly sensitive to yours. haha =p
that's why I always hope to achieve a lot
so that I don't look sad and useless to you. =(
however knowing myself, it's difficult. ==
*sighs*
lastly, the person whom I mistaken as your bf.
when I saw him making a lot physical contacts with you, (looked a lot to me X( )
I thought he was someone special to you and came up with that sad conclusion.
I was upset for quite some time.
however, as time passes, I think I was wrong.
he is just someone who is close to you.
*phew*
but I noticed that you two are really close. =(
it's not surprising
since both of you see each other everyday and both of you were involved in almost every outing. ><
so.. if something unexpected really occurs.. O__O
hmm
seriously there's nothing I can do besides blaming myself.
I can only move on with my life. >.<
*sighs*
I envy him of course.
I wish I'm like him to be in the same course as you, being together with you for outings, have sense of humour and many more that is sad to mention.
once again, I hope you don't mind me repeating this again.
I'm disappointed with our friendship. =(
oh well, we are in different course
so, we hardly see each other. =(
I know it's not a good reason.
I dare not take the initiative to ask you out
even though you don't mind going out with me. =(
well, for all the things that happened, happening and will happen,
I will not blame you. =)
knowing myself, I know there are many many problems in me that I need to work on. >.<
*sighs*
so.. it's going to take a different me to progress our friendship.
I don't know how long will it take for that day to come.
meanwhile, I guess I can only dream of our close friendship.
I'm done. =)
thanks for reading all the posts.
I appreciate it.
I just want to let you know.
well, thank you so much for everything
and I'm sorry for all the bad things I have done to you.
*hugs* X)
^ I love this pic very much by the way. XD
it's our one and only pic. T___T
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