Devastated

I cannot believe it. Really.
I approached her today. Hoping to solve all my doubts.
Again.. she's serious.. and emo too. Maybe it's because she screwed up her physics test. I Don't know whether it's true or maybe she's lying?

I was really fed up. I paused for a while.

her: what happened to you? what's with that look?
after 5 mins.
me: I wondered why.. you are so hyper to your friends. And to me.. you are so serious and emo. Why??
her: Urghhhh!! You want me to be frank?? It's because you are NOT HYPER!!

Omgness.. I couldn't believe she said that. It's not that I don't wanna be hyper. But it's because I was depressed all this while! And who's fault? It's her!!

me: I'm not hyper.. ok.. but it doesn't mean you must act serious in front of me all the time!
Why can't you be hyper to me and make me happy? I love those moments during form 4 and 5 where you are so hyper to me. I was really happy at that time.
her: Come on, you don't expect me to make everybody happy ALL THE TIME. I can feel tired too.
me: You know, you are not the only one who's depressed. I'm depressed too. And everytime I talk to you. I don't feel happy. I hope.. you can make me happy. But u failed me.
her: What!? You know, there's give and take. You can't like give give and give without take.
(I don't really remember, it was something liddat she said)
me: So, what are you trying to mean?
her: I can't keep sharing my happiness with people. I know how to feel tired.
me: excuse me, when did you ever share your happiness with me?
her: What!? I was so hyper to you during FORM 4!! (notice that, FORM 4! how long ago was that)

then she left. Her mom came already.

The above conversation.. is about what I roughly remembered. I was too sad at that time. So, somehow my memory was not working very well.
I cannot believe it. Just because I'm not HYPER. So, she don't need to be hyper to me ady.
That remark of hers really hurts me like hell.
Hey, I'm also a hyper person. But I was depressed since February already. How do you expect me to be hyper while my heart is aching like nobody's business.
When I try to be hyper or humorous to her, she gave me no response too.
So, I can't really take the full blame for not being hyper.
And... she never share any of her happiness with me for this year. She never make me happy for real.
I feel.. so unfair.. I tried my best to make her happy especially when she's down.
I just.. want her to make me happy once in a while.
U know.. the answer to a guy's true happiness.. is perempuan.
So, I really really hope she can cheer me up as a good friend at least.
But.. this is what I got in the end.
It sucks.. really..
She can hurt me sooooooo many times but she can't make me happy for real even once.

On my way home.. I got a message from her. It's an apology message.
At least she apologised. But.. she hurt me so bad.
I doubt I can forgive her just like that.
I don't feel like talking nor seeing her anymore. I just don't feel happy meeting her.
I wanna be happy. Happy for real.
If she's going to continue hurting me like this again. I think... it's time for her to back off from my life.
I mean it.

Oh well.. I believe she's going to tell this story to her current best buddy.
So, I'm gonna tell this story to her best buddy 1st tomoro. I want her to listen to stories from both parties not just one. I want her to side me 1st.
Man.. I feel like corrupting her mind. My mind now is all about revenge.

*sigh*
I feel so much better after releasing everything here.
Life is so unfair isn't it? You don't always get what you want.

Aye.. I need some time to get over it.
Well, when comes to happy stuffs, XL is really a nice girl. X3
When I complained to her about SY, she kept saying,
'Haiyo.. nothing wan la..', 'Maybe you are sensitive leh..', or ' don't think so much la'
Haha. I feel a lil better after listening to them.
She is really a happy go lucky girl. Her happy stories are never ending. Whenever I met her, she always has happy stories to tell me.
I'm still working myself to be her best buddy. X)