MY DARK SIDE

I had already realized this many months ago
but I didn't find a good opportunity to post about it.
*sighs*
last month I was really in the mood to post
but as time passes, I got lazy and I no longer find the point of posting it.
it's not a happy post. =(

well, many of you would know how many crushes I had right?
in total there are like... 4??
holy that's a lot! >.<
I did ask myself,'why do I like them?'
my answer was,'because they are good/nice girls!'
and I realized I LIED to myself.
the actual answer should be,'because they are attractive/sexy/hot!'
it's the truth. =(

taking my first crush for example,
we never really talked,
so there wasn't any good reasons to like her besides her physical appearance (big bust and damn cute look XD).
meaning, I'm ATTRACTED to her. >.<

for second crush, my reason for liking her is because she's been nice to me.
well, it's actually not true.
she had been quite a bitch at beginning of last year
even though her attitude got better at the end.
I should really disliked her and should had avoided her.
but instead I still continue to approach her and ended up hurting myself many times
why? what for?
the answer is simple: I'm also ATTRACTED to her. (look how big her bust is =.=)

moving on to my fourth one.
I thought I would really like her.
but as time goes on..
*sighs*
just because she was being quite nice to me at that time
I declared her as my new crush.
LOL WTF.
looking at our friendship progress till now,
it was very disappointing. (I mentioned about this many times already)
so why do I like her? O.o
well, it's obvious isn't it?
she has big eyes, fair skin, chubby and occasionally cute attitude.
also, I have a lot to comment when I see her wearing skirt and sleeveless top. =.=
so it seems the reason for liking her is also the same:
I'M ATTRACTED TO HER.

unbelievable?
I noticed the main cause of me being attracted to these girls is
MY DARK SIDE
my major dark side.. is rather my horny self. >.<
when I see girls of my type has a very appealing appearance,
I will get attracted to them.
and next depending on how appealing their appearance is,
maybe I will dream of having sex with them. >.<
it happens to my crushes.
please don't blame me.
it's normal right?
I have testosterone hormones
and I watch porn (until now)
just that I never like to admit it. =/

I realized one more thing about my dark side.
since high school I like busts a lot. O.O
so it explains why I was so attracted to my first two crushes. =.=
about this I really have no idea why
so please do not question me and just accept it or blame my hormones.
well, no worries.
I can control myself. (like DUH!)
I won't go out of control and start doing something DARK to girls. XD

so the truth is..
I realized I don't really like these girls.
IT'S MY DARK SIDE WHO LIKES THEM.
it's a sad truth. =(
well, I have to admit these girls do make me happy at times
but it doesn't mean I need to have feelings for them. =(
oh man.. I have never actually like a girl for real.
this time when I wanna declare my next crush.
I will make sure I really have feelings for that person =)
more than my dark side. =P

hopefully this post doesn't change your perception towards me
it's a good opportunity for you all to know more about me
especially the future readers. :D