5th target?

HOHOHO!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! XD

*sighs*
looks like it's going to be another lifeless day for me. T_T
oh well, at least I'm going to play basketball later. hah!
but.. only with Chee Meng.. T.T
anyway, since today is sort of a special day.
I guess I should talk about my potential 5th target. XP
I think this is the post you all have been waiting for all these while. =.=
this is another long post.

hmm how do I begin..
let me begin with how I met her.
around 2 to 3 months before my mid term exam,
I was talking to her friend and she was there too.
the first impression she gave me.. was weird.
she giggled at all the bullshits I said to her friend.
she didn't talked to me at all. O.o
I thought she was crazy. LOL

then months later.. after Malaysian Studies lesson,
I saw her sitting alone at foyer.
she couldn't go back to her hostel due to heavy rain.
obviously I being a man, offered her umbrella. hehe
she was happy to receive it.
a week later,
as I was talking to her and saying how pitiful I was to have lessons until 4.30pm,
she suddenly laughed at me.
O.O
what the.. I was shocked of course. haha
well, that moment was the beginning of our close friendship. ^^
from that time onwards,
we started making fun of each other.
we often pretended to ignore each other. LOL
alright I know it's damn silly and childish.
but in order to get close to a girl, I had to do it right? XD

I even invited her to study along with me in the library.
she didn't mind.
maybe she knew I definitely can help her with her studies. =.=
she accompanied me quite often.
that's how we got closer
because sometimes I talked to her a little of my problems (like about Melody +.+)
and we did joked around too. ==

well, one of those days..
I accidentally saw her phone wallpaper.
it was a pic of her and her bf.
err..
she's actually not single and available?
*sighs*
I was a little disappointed at that time. =(
then she told me a bit of her and her bf
as well as her ex-bf. =/
since she told me about it,
then I also didn't mind telling her who I liked at that time.
but anyway, it was not like I'm going to court her.
we resumed our friendship as usual.

thank goodness we resumed our friendship,
we got closer as months passed by.
somehow, she got more and more playful towards me.
she did many things that made me ----> (=_=")
such as ignoring me and laughing happily then,
as well as spamming my msn with her 'BOM BOM!' message.
I remember the best she had done was trying to play hide and seek with me in the library.
WTF.
I was wondering..
how come she approach me so much when she already has a bf? O.o
I thought girls with bf normally don't do so.
I remember she even leaned on my shoulder. o_o
maybe.. she is open-minded and flirty like Melody?
probably she does the same to other guys too.

later during AUSMAT Awards Night,
she surprised me with my birthday present. O.o
I was happy of course.
I didn't wonder too much.
I thought she was trying to repay me since I got her birthday present too. =)
well, honestly I liked all the moments when we were together.
all of them made me happy except when I pissed her off once. >.<
that's why I asked for her hug. X)

during the times of my gay course's semester one,
I was unhappy most of the time.
then.. well..
I began to miss her. >.<
I guess I was seeking for happiness. =/
when I told her I missed her.
she seemed excited. O.o
she asked me how did I miss her. =.=
at that time, I began to believe that she thought I'm interested in her.
but strangely.. she also frequently teased me and my 4th target. ==
I guess I was thinking too much.

towards the end of my first semester,
we began contacting each other through personal message.
to me it was strange.
can't we contact through msn?
so I asked her and she said she like to contact her friends through that way. O.o
anyway, I didn't wonder much.
after all, it began because I was trying to ask her something through her FB wall.
I believe she thought I was going to ask her something private and didn't want her bf to see it.
I thought the pm conversation will last only a while.
however to my surprise,
we are still contacting each other until NOW. O.O

during early weeks of my semester 2,
we contacted each other even more.
she still asked how was me and my 4th target. O.o
anyway, I told her that I already gave up on our progress.
so, now she never mention anything about us. =/
then I asked her about her and her bf.
as usual.. she said she didn't get along with her bf.
err.. they are still together? O.O
I guess things have never changed since last year.
well since she was still with her bf,
I wondered again.
WTF she wanna keep in touch with me so frequently through pm?
why didn't she use the those time with fix she and her bf relationship? =/

lately, we are involved in midnight sms conversation. =.=
whenever she is bored, she will message me.
moreover, she constantly updates me on her university progress.
I feel she updated too much. LOL
last week, twice she messaged me when she was sad. O.o
and I had to comfort her.
moreover, any slight update she also will let me know. o.O
well, I don't mind replying her messages
just that.. I feel it's really unnecessary.
she just need to tell me which university she's going. =_=
being curious, I questioned her about her overloading updates.
she said it was because I told her before that I was curious on which university she will go to.
=.=
alright.. what a reply.
looks like an excuse to me.
anyway, she said she did update to her good friend too.
alright I wondered AGAIN.
what about her bf?
can't she message her bf instead??
why me?

WOW
it is a very very long report I have typed! XD
you all must be bored to death. LOL
but I seriously really appreciate it you actually took the time to read it. =)
thank you.

anyway, here comes the question.
do I like her?
.................
well.. my answer would be
I DON'T KNOW
I think it's the best answer I can give.
honestly.. I'm confused.
sometimes, I thought she has interest in me.
and sometimes, I thought she just treat me as her good friend.
I feel the latter one is most probably true.
but.. really?
I think I didn't do much to bond with her.
she was the one who made the first move most of the time. =/

in my opinion..
I feel it's better if we remain as good friends.
I have many reasons.
firstly, yes I know she's cute, cheerful, playful and crazy. LOL
I still like our happy AUSMAT moments. X)
but seriously, I have never seen her mature side. =(
all these while with me, she has been playful.
O.O
imagine having a life partner who is playful all the time.
even if we successfully get into relationship, (assuming she's single already XD)
I believe it will not last long. >_<
I'm sorry to say all these.
I don't know her very well anyway.
maybe she has her mature side but I don't know? O.o
well, hopefully I will be able see it
I might change my mind. ;)

secondly, I know we will never get into relationship after I told her about my 4th target.
I told her a lot about us.
she sometimes teased me about us and even wished us happy ever after. =.=
if she has interest in me.. she will never do such thing.
so I think at best we will be close friends. =/

thirdly, her current status.
since last year,
she had never said anything good about her bf. =.=
there was once I saw her phone wallpaper has changed.
eh.. suspicious isn't it?
from that moment I thought she may be single already.
but.. she said they are still together.
it's really hard to believe her.
because I never see any pic of her and her bf.
hmmm
I guess she just wanted to keep their relationship privatized.
maybe they are really together.
then.. it's just too bad for me right?
well, if it's really true..
why is she maintaining our good friendship?
isn't too dangerous to do?
man.. imagine what happens if her bf finds out about our active pm conversation. O_O
or.. finding out about her flirting with me last year.
oh my... if I were her bf.. I might kill her.
no.. I might kill the person she's flirting with instead. (and that person is me! T.T)

fourth reason.. I think I better keep it for myself. =D

oh well, I really thought of asking her many questions.
but.. lately she's been quite upset.
maybe now is not the right time.
but.. if I really ask
and what if our friendship is ruined as a result?
or.. I should not bother and continue being in good friendship with her?
then.. I will never find my answers. =(
*sighs*
I hate guessing.
I wish I can know what she thinks about me. >.<

in conclusion,
I'm very grateful to have a friend like her.
I feel our good friendship is sort of fated
because we got close in less than 6 months.
whereas some take forever to get to that stage. =.=
I need to thank her for everything. X)