as you can read from the title,
I mixed up the order of letters on purpose
as the contents below is seriously not going to be appropriate.
I will mix up the letters too.
to those who are interested to read,
have fun deciphering them.
EDIT: I give up. it's so tiring to do so. nobody is going to read it anyway. :P
it's obvious this post is directed to her.
since I have so much of thoughts about her I think it's best to lash everything here.
that's the purpose of this blog anyway.
alright to be frank,
for the whole time I really want to meet you in person.
I want to have a good look at you,
I want to have a good chat with you,
I want to mess around with you like those guys did to you too. lol
but to me the most important thing is,
I WANT TO HUG YOU.
not a friendly hug but a tight one.
I know it's creepy.
I cannot stop thinking about it everyday
because I'm still attracted to you
and I realize that last year that hug meant so much to me
because this year onward, it's so hard to even talk to you
so what about hugging you. =.=
I noticed that every time we saw each other.
it was always a hi-bye
and I always ended up disappointed
because I was not feeling satisfied
as I always wanted a hug by the end of every meeting. >.<
the situation now really make me miss our friendship last year.
at least we would talked and laughed.
I'm still unsure exactly why it ended up like this.
probably I confessed to you, and my subsequent weird actions
or... you already found much better friends. sigh.
that is what I dislike.. to extend of hating it.
every time I see you being with close guy friends, I hate it.
and seeing you being friendly with them makes me hating it even more.
that's why I still refuse to add you on FB. :(
I hate myself for being incompetent.
I wish I'm tall, good-looking, rich, and own a car.
then I would be capable of satisfying you and making you happy. sigh.
well, why do I always think about you considering our shitty friendship?
many reasons.
firstly, I can't find any new targets, and I don't think I ever will.
I know there was 5th target but I only see her as friend.
so you remain as my last target. I'm sorry.
secondly, as mentioned before, I'm still attracted to you.
as time passes, you appearance keeps improving. :S
it is difficult to get over you as a result.
lastly and the creepiest reason,
I do watch adult videos.
it's normal I know.
but it's so satisfying that I'm beginning to envy the actors there for being able to work with the hot and sexy actresses.
so I picture myself as the actor.. and you are the actress. >.<
I think of that so often until I'm dreaming it to happen in reality. >.<
that's why... I want to hug you all the time.
not because I really care for you as a friend.
but that's the first step to my dark dream. >.<
you are getting better and better in appearance
which makes it harder for me to control myself.
I'm so sorry.
it's either you pray hard for me to get a new target so that you no longer need to be the actress
or... get a boyfriend. :)
well I obviously prefer the the former. XD
I will be really upset if you have a boyfriend
because it will be a symbol of my incompetence. :(
it will haunt me for a long time.
well consider yourself lucky.
I will be going to Aus for next semester.
hopefully, I will make a lot of friends there
and possibly finding a new target. :P (unlikely though)
Most importantly, I hope I can get over my adult video addiction and get a better life.
Then.. I can finally see you as a friend. :)
at the moment.. I really see you as someone else.
be it as my crush
or my work partner. =.=
so.. I still have mixed feelings when I see you.
I'm so sorry again.
I really hope that will come to an end.
when that time comes,
that will be the time when I finally add you on FB. ;)
you know. at the moment I think.
when I'm finally capable enough
I do.... consider courting you for the second time.
like for real and without dark intentions.
will you seriously give me a chance? :P
but... unlikely will happen. :(
even if it does... I'm sure it's too late. :/
bye bye bye~
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